I’m sorry but Cinderella had it easy. Spend the entire day of the ball working your fingers to the bone? No problem! With a wave of her magical wand and you instantly have great hair, an awesome dress and look like million bucks. That is so not realistic.
Ball preparation number one: smooth skin. Not as easy as it sounds since despite having $50 worth of Venus blades I had no razor. Yup, you read it right: my razor went missing. There I was looking… Well, I won’t describe how I looked since some of you may be eating and I don’t want to put you off your food. Suffice it to say that I needed a razor; badly. I was also not going to settle for a non-Venus razor since I had a 10 year supply of Venus blades sitting in the bathroom.
Except that nobody around here seems to need razors! Every store I went into sold only men’s razors. Do I look a man?! I have breasts dammit! (Sorry, Mum.) Then inspiration hit: the people who make my razor also make the Mock Three. There is no way that they would bother with making the connector thing for the two razors different… I hoped. So I picked up a Boy Razor and headed home.
It’s red, wicked heavy compared to my Girly Razor and doesn’t fit snugly into its holder. But, my Girl Blades fit!!! Yay! I now had the means to start looking like a girl again.
Ball preparation number two: people are supposed to have two eyebrows. I used to do this myself with an at-home kit but last year during one of Hubby’s many business trips I realized that I wanted to pamper myself. Pamper myself by paying somebody to cause me pain and rip out my eyebrow and lip hair by the root using hot wax. Damn but we women are crazy!
Professionals, despite the cost, do a way better job than I ever did. So here is the cost break down for those of you who are curious (those who aren’t can pretend to, after all it’s my blog): in the Midwest I paid $12 plus a $5 tip. In DC I paid anywhere from $34-$50 plus tip. I should note that the more expensive the place the better job they did. No, seriously, it was worth it!
So needing to have two eyebrows, I decided to stop into a place I noticed in Khan Market a few weeks ago. (Khan Market, of course, is Hindi for Gouge the Expat.) The nice store lady said they didn't do it but recommended me to a place a few shops down.
So I got to the new place, which was up these unlit, dingy stairs. I didn't feel too many warm and fuzzies as I walked in and saw that the lighting and dinginess didn't get much better inside. I decided to buck up and go through with it anyways because of the ball.
She did my lip and actually followed my instructions on my eyebrows and didn't Spock them. The cost: 56 Indian Rupees. That's about a dollar and a half. Oh yeah baby! It would be more expensive for me to do it at home than to go to this lady. India occasionally rocks!
Ball preparation number three: picking the shoes. Obviously, the comfy and practical pair were the first to be discarded. Now it’s between super cute but uncomfy shoes; summery and questionable comfy shoes; and semi practical and semi cute. Who am I kidding?! Obviously the super hot/super uncomfy ones are going to win… Probably…
Ball preparation number zillion: I still need to figure out how I want my hair. I need to steam out my dress. Pack my going out purse. Find one pair of damn stockings that don’t have a run in them! (Would fishnets be inappropriate?) Finish my face moisturizing steps (I’m on number three right now). Change my mind about my shoes for the fifth time. There is so much to do!!
I should note that Prince Hubby Charming won’t be my escort tonight. =( Duke Charming as kindly stepped in as a favour. Thank you, Duke!
Oh my god! What am I doing writing this when I should be getting ready and changing my mind about shoes again! I need a fairy godmother!!!