Emoting All Over the Room

I’m moving to Cairo. Why didn’t anyone tell me before now?! Why didn’t you tell me that all the planning and packing was for real? I’m not sure that I’m ready. *insert freaking out and hyperventilating Typ0 here*

I realize that I have theoretically known for months now but somehow it has only just begun to sink in: I’m leaving Nairobi and starting my life over – again. *eek* The countdown is no longer in months but days and weeks and I’m mentally unprepared for what lies ahead. (Except for the shopping and eating in the Real World part – I’m totally ready for that!) Heck, I’m not even prepared for the going away lunches I have scheduled! *sob*

My emotions are trying to confuse me. Here’s a run down of how I feel about our impending move at this very moment: sad to leave my friends behind; happy to be done with Nairobi because She keeps throwing Her dominance in my face; devastated to be leaving Kenya, a country so beautiful and wonderful no photo can do it justice; terrified about moving to Cairo and having to make new friends, learn a new language, and fit in yet again; annoyed at having to move yet again; and excited about the new challenges that lie ahead of me. And those are just the ones I am able to articulate.

What it all comes down to is that I miss Nairobi – but I haven’t even left yet. But as the cataloguing of our “stuff” continues, and we plan our weekly menus around what we have left in the pantry, and meetings that I used to attend are going on without me – it’s all starting to feel rather surreal. It is as if I’m walking around playing a part in a holodeck program just waiting for the main characters to show up – only I’m the main character and I don’t know my lines.

I realize that part of the problem is that we’ve been planning this move for six months now. And by planning I mean talking about it in an extremely abstract way with little to no actual or practical preparation. Next time Hubby tells me that we’re moving, can you please remind me how much I hate moving and freak out about change?