Thursday, June 03, 2010

The Runaway

I know I’ve been gone for a while. I hope some of you are still around to read this: I’m sorry I disappeared. I didn’t mean to. Heck, I was still writing blogs in my head for at least some of that time. I simply wasn’t able to connect my thoughts to my fingers long enough to put a concrete and complete thought on paper.

Some of you may know, although many don’t, that my situation has changed. Despite the description in the sidebar (which I really need to change), I am no longer one of two on an adventure around the world. My husband and I have split up and I am now busy trying to wander the world in search of myself by myself.

Lest I get ahead of myself, allow me to clear something up: I’m not going to clear anything up. I spent 15 years of my life (dating and later married) with the man I called my best friend. Although we both inadvertently burned, bombed and decimated the bridges of that friendship he is still someone I care for and I will not dishonour him by ever speaking of what happened between us.

This separateness is new – only a few weeks old – and I miss having someone to call with something I know would amuse them. I miss the shorthand and second language that come with 12 years of marriage. I miss my friend and that is why I’ve run away from home.

After we left Egypt for Norway in November I thought I was starting a new phase of my life. Now, a few months later that new phase has been flipped and turned and rocketed into a newness I’m not yet accustomed to. Rather than returning home, as I probably should have, to start over, I decided to do the last thing a scaredy cat like me would ever do – I set out on my own.

I am currently in Auckland, New Zealand pulling my head together and enjoying the Kiwi scenery. From here I plan to head to Australia to see old friends and from there who knows. But I know that I’ll be doing it on my own and that’s scary for me. Sure I’ve travelled (and many of you have read about those travels) but I’ve always done it with someone. My wanderings have always been planned in quite some detail. This trip isn’t that. Heck, I’ve already inadvertently gone over budget and I’m not that far into this quest of self.

I plan to try to document my travels in this blog and hope that you’ll stop by once in a while to see where I am. Some of my posts will be about my new adventures but I also intend to write about my life Before. After all, I have six months of Norwegian wonders to catch you up on too.

There’s a song on the “Pricilla Queen of the Desert” soundtrack that has the following line: “I’ve been to paradise but I’ve never been to me.” Yup, that’s me in a nutshell. I’ve travelled all over the world and tried to be everyone else’s perfect version of me. This trip is about finding out who I am when I don’t have someone telling me first. I’m ready to find ME.

24 comments:

Corinne said...

Fuckin' A!

Erm, f-bomb alert?

I think what you're doing right now is AWESOME. You're not running away, you're running to you! Right? I think taking some time out to reevaluate your needs, and your goals, is the smartest thing you can do. I'm sure it's going to get tough, but you'll make it. You kick ass, dude.

illahee said...

oh wow! i was waiting for an update but i never imagined one such as this. i am sorry to hear about your split with your husband. i am glad to hear from you and look forward to more posts from your travels!!

jack said...

I am glad you are back. I have missed your posts.

If your travels take you to Seattle, you have a place to stay.

Take care

only a movie said...

So glad to see you back. Am curious about your adventures...

sprinkles said...

Welcome back, I've missed you!

I thought maybe you were all done with blogging after the move. Now I completely understand why you've been gone for so long.

I'm sorry to hear about things with you and your husband. I've never been married but I do know that divorcing someone after being married for so long is a huge adjustment so I definitely feel for you and wish you all the best.

Looking forward to reading all about your new adventures!

SurferWife said...

Wow. My jaw dropped when I saw you show up in my reader. So good to see you back, though I am sorry to hear of the spilt between you and your husband.

I'm looking forward to reading about your solo travels though!

Lydia said...

Here's some more comment love! You totally rock! You're doing what's good for YOU! That, IMHO, is the best therapy! Here's to finding oneself & a return to the blogging world! Hip-hip-hooray! *love ya Typ0*

only a movie said...

I got bumped off before I could finish my comment... So sorry to hear of your split, but what you're doing is truly amazing. What a healing response to the situation. xoxo

Brenda said...

I appreciate the way you are handling this, hard though it is. We all lead real lives and real hard things happen to each one of us.

I look forward to following you on your journey.

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

So sorry to hear about the split, but am amazed and even a little jealous of your chance to wander he world on your own. Looking forward to reading your adventures. SO keep blogging while we all travel vicariously with you.

blueviolet said...

Minus the travel, I'm right where you are now, and I can appreciate the turmoil and upheaval it's causing. Know that we care and are here to support you!

Betty said...

I´m not sure you remember me, but I still had you on my reader. I´m glad you came back. But sorry you had such a hard thing happen to you. I hope you will be well and will be following you as you travel.

Wishing 4 One said...

This is my first visit here and while I am sorry things didn't work out for you and your husband, I admire your passion. Your passion for travel. I look forward to following you as you explore new adventures.

RennyBA's Terella said...

Good to see you back in Blogsphere!

Will really miss you in Norway though - not to mention at OsloBG in August - but that's life...... isn't it? :-)

Casey (@ Ever-Changing Life) said...

So good to see you back. Sorry about the recent events. You seem to have the right outlook on your next adventure. I look forward to keeping up with you!

Connie said...

So sorry to hear of your break up, but you are a very sweet and honorable woman to handle this as you are. I've been through a divorce too, and you are right... you really do need to find you now. Find you, find out what you like to do, who you like to be with (or not), and find out how best to love yourself as you deserve. ((((hugs)))) and I can't wait to read of your adventures.

Poem said...

I have missed you so much, but couldn't get a hold of you. I'm very sorry to hear about your separation. *big hugs*

I hope you'll take all the time you need to get through this. And it's always great to have dear friends with you, to help you as well. Best wishes to you :)

San said...

I am so sorry... I was wondering where you'd been and decided to peek into your blog this morning. I am amazed at your resilience, and you still have a faithful reader in me, hanging on to your every written word. :)

Zuzana said...

Oh, you are back! I have been wondering about you.;) At first I thought that terribly cold Scandinavian winter has gotten to you.;)
Joking aside now, I am very sorry for what happened and I am very much in awe of you being so very candid about your personal life here. Believe me, I know what you are going through. Probably many out there do, perhaps you can find some consolation in that notion.
xoxo

LadyFi said...

Oh, how happy I am to hear from you again...

You are embarking on the hardest yet most worthwhile journey - the one of finding yourself, that is.

May your path be golden and full of adventure and good things!

************ said...

Hello fellow wanderer, sorry to hear about your split...bummer! But, hey, sounds like you've got a real adventure of self discovery ahead of you. Go for it! Looking forward to folowing your progress and explorations.

NicoleB, Egypt said...

Shucks, girl.
I've totally missed this whole shabeng :(
Just caught up with you (read the post from last to this one instead of the other way around, as usual,...)
Wishing you all the Best on your way to the real YOU!
Hugs!

Return to Norway said...

I look forward to reading about all your new adventures. Enjoy the journey

Yelena said...

Siobhan --
you've always amazed me with your integrity. I love your blog, and you continue to amaze me. I'm glad I had an opportunity to run into you at some point in my life, and I hope your life treats you well from here on out. Much love.