The Internet is Evil

I know that you know that we have Internet access and that I have a tiny, little addiction to said Internet. What you may not realize; however, is that I have the same Internet speed and reliability that you had with dial-up back in 1997. While you lovely folks in the Real World complain that it takes a whole twenty minutes to download the latest episode of Heroes from itunes, I’m over here in Kenya bemoaning the fact that it takes me an hour and a half to download the 1MG itunes update – never mind actually getting a song off the site.

As I type this blog, my UPS backup power has been beeping at me for the last thirty minutes. Lucky for me that my internet is plugged into handy portable power supply or else I might have missed out on the ten seconds of access it was going to give me this hour.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m used to our wireless network being slow – this is, after all, the developing world and, as Hubby continually reminds me, I "can’t expect everything to work just like it does back home." I have learned to put up with not being able to visit certain high picture content sites, as they will take far too long to load. I have even managed to grin and bear the fact that I am barely able to hold a civilized, non-lagged, conversation on Skype. These and other Internet-related indignities have simply become part of my daily world.

The last few days; however, have been unbearable. Only a day after my lovely houseguests departed for their safari, my Internet decided that it was time for a permanent vacation. I have been unable to access anything online for more than five minutes at a time before it up and kaputs on me. Shopping online for an Easter vacation? No problem! As long as you have six hours, a tonne of patience and no desire to actually have anything on Expedia to load for you. I haven’t even been able to answer any of my emails!! (Ok I’m a slacker about that one at the best of times but now I have an excuse! Woo hoo!) This is horrible! I don’t want people to think I’m a poor correspondent. (*innocent look*)

Which brings me back to my current reality: writing back issues of Blog into Word in the vain hope that the Internet will cooperate long enough for me to post them while listening to the incessant “Beep! Beep! Beep!” of the UPS telling me what the silent TV has already screamed about our lack of power. And, because my life didn’t suck quite enough, I have men wandering around on my ceiling fixing the giant leak in the roof that almost (but thankfully not quite) hit my Irish sculpture.

So if you don’t mind, I’m going to go and read “The Last King of Scotland” since that requires neither Internet nor electricity. And maybe if I’m really good (read: get off my bottom and stop being lazy) I’ll walk upstairs and… Never mind. I’m lazy and I'm OK with that.

I’m just going to read my book quietly while I pray to the Power Gods and make small sacrifices to the Internet ones. See you online soon… I hope!