Monday, November 03, 2008

This is How Weird I am

There are those of you out there who may think that I’m only slightly odd. Or maybe even some people who think I’m fairly normal when graded on curve. Today’s blog should assure people in both camps that I’m certifiably nuts.

I have discussed my stuffed animals on this blog before. Some of you may have even heard me talk about them as if they were real people. What you may not have realized is that to Hubby and I these guys are real No not real in the “I can touch them so they exist” sense. I mean real in the “Velveteen Rabbit” sense. They have lives, pet peeves, jobs, and even spouses.

So without further ado, I’d like to introduce you to my children.

This is Bear. Technically this Koala belongs to Hubby and is older than I am. In reality, I think he simply enjoys lording it over the other Animals that he’s in charge. He travels everywhere with Hubby and has been known to enjoy a fine malt Scotch and a cigar after dinner. Don’t mess with him though, he’s tougher than he looks.

Next up in seniority is ‘Dillo. This armadillo once belonged to Hubby’s brother until he was liberated and given a warm and loving home with us. ‘Dillo doesn’t like to discuss his sexual orientation and spends most nights out on the town where, as a popular DJ, he spins in one of the local armadillo bars. Surprisingly, from what he tells us, there are armadillo bars in virtually every major city in the world.

Now we have my baby, Fuzz B. Butt. He was a gift from Hubby on the first birthday I celebrated after we started dating. Fuzz is a bit of a pervert (he is a rabbit after all) and has been known to go out on the town when we travel and hook up with other bunnies. This, despite the fact that he has a wife named April Bunny whom we purchased several years ago. Of course, she’s a bit of a trollop but that’s a different story entirely.

We also have two cheetahs: Baby Eetah, and Jozi Eetah. They are both members of the subclass of “smart” or “money making” cheetahs that many of you may know nothing about. The “dumb” cheetahs are the ones who get caught in traps, run fast, are related to their brothers, and live off the land. Baby and Jozi, on the other hand, have “cute offs” to decide who is cuter, trade on the stock exchange, dabble in the securities market, and enjoy investing in currencies. They have yet to share any of their money with us because, they say, their hero Jim Cramer said they didn’t have to.

There are several other members of our stuffed animal menagerie but these are the key players. Someday when I get over the fact that I just shared the back stories that Hubby and I created for our animals, I will tell you about Farley the ferret, Michael Gordon the moose, April Bunny, Bob the Koala, and all the rest.

Don’t judge us too harshly. We know we’re odd and several miles from even slightly normal but at least Hubby and I found each other! We have no children because we can’t agree on the right way to raise our stuffed animals. Once they become fully functioning members of society, pay us rent, and remember to do their chores on a daily basis we’ll have real children. Until then, it’s the animals and us.

22 comments:

Lynda said...

Excellent... but believe when I say - stick with the animals... kids are just messy.

Bluefish said...

I used to talk to my stuffed animals when I was a kid.

Connie said...

I used to have stuffed animals, but when we had kids, I lost custody. I must say though, all of my old fuzzy babies are still in the kids' possession, whereas other toys have come and gone. I still get visitation, and am granted visits with the new babies in the family too.

Say hi to the family, and I gotta go... my Siamese is trying to get my lunch plate. Mustard tends to stain - what kind of cat likes mustard anyway?!?

An Egyptian said...

haha, they remind me of the demons if you watched "the golden compass", they are so cute anyway.

Corinne said...

My Pound Puppy had appendicitis when I was in third grade. She still carries the scar from her appendectomy. (I have no idea if I spelled that right!)

DF and I have found out that having a puppy is the best birth control ever. If a tiny four-legged creature can cause so much havoc, I don't think we could handle kids!

Anonymous said...

I had Leo the Lion from birth but he disappeared when we emigrated.
merthyrmum

Deb Burton said...

OK, LOL, I don't think you're certifiably nuts until the animals start talking back to you. Funny, funny post.

Thanks for stoppin by TGMT and leaving a comment. If you ever feel the itch to come back home to Illinois, stop by for a visit, but I'm guessing you're having too much fun traveling the world.

But please come by TGMT and visit again. I'd love to have you!

Brenda said...

When our children flew the nest and my husband wanted more, I just got him a parrot. It actually keeps him quite happy.

Hi! I'm Janola. said...

heh-heh. i luv the way Bear's huggin' that whiskey bottle. I bet your animals are way easier to pack up than children, too.

Kat said...

We have two children. And they practice raising children with their own stuffed animals. But I am quite glad to read this. Because I was quite sure that we were the same person. Until now :-)

Casey said...

Don't worry, my husband and I have conversations through our cat. :)

Thanks for the Target advice. You are so right that I should make the list long because I can just see him deeming things unimportant. Grrr.

Ashraf Al Shafaki said...

Superb photos!

psychoknitter said...

You are hilarious! My eye drew down to the bunny one and I thought - WHAT is she looking at on her Mac? Then I read the post. HAHA.

Jacki said...

There is nothing wrong with having stuffed animals. I love all of mine. :-)

Kathi said...

I just love that you have some rather unusual stuffed animals in addition to the much-loved but more typical bears and bunnies. A stuffed armadillo, how great is that!

Caution Flag said...

You have quite an active crew you're responsible for. I think they're lucky to have you!

LadyFi said...

Hilarious post!

I have loads and loads of stuffed animals - and kids too! Oh - and a real live non-stuffed dog.. And a husband...

Nicole said...

That's ONE BIG family :D

Anonymous said...

You are completely insane. Batshit crazy, both of you. I am taking the stuffed animals away :)

I do love you though

Pseudonymous High School Teacher said...

Found you through the BBOTY list. My husband has a friend with a similar menagerie. He talks for them and each one has a distinctive voice.

Oh2122 said...

I suppose it's time to admit that Monkey is not my first child.

There's a teddy bear who is actually older than me who lives in my office with about 50 froggy friends... Wish I could claim them on my taxes...

BPOTW said...

However quirky that is it's one of the best "traditions" I've ever heard about for a husband and wife. I think it's great and I may just abscond with a couple of my girls' animals and force hubby to come up with stories with me.

Thanks for sharing your post on Best Posts of the Year!