This is How Weird I am

There are those of you out there who may think that I’m only slightly odd. Or maybe even some people who think I’m fairly normal when graded on curve. Today’s blog should assure people in both camps that I’m certifiably nuts.

I have discussed my stuffed animals on this blog before. Some of you may have even heard me talk about them as if they were real people. What you may not have realized is that to Hubby and I these guys are real No not real in the “I can touch them so they exist” sense. I mean real in the “Velveteen Rabbit” sense. They have lives, pet peeves, jobs, and even spouses.

So without further ado, I’d like to introduce you to my children.

This is Bear. Technically this Koala belongs to Hubby and is older than I am. In reality, I think he simply enjoys lording it over the other Animals that he’s in charge. He travels everywhere with Hubby and has been known to enjoy a fine malt Scotch and a cigar after dinner. Don’t mess with him though, he’s tougher than he looks.

Next up in seniority is ‘Dillo. This armadillo once belonged to Hubby’s brother until he was liberated and given a warm and loving home with us. ‘Dillo doesn’t like to discuss his sexual orientation and spends most nights out on the town where, as a popular DJ, he spins in one of the local armadillo bars. Surprisingly, from what he tells us, there are armadillo bars in virtually every major city in the world.

Now we have my baby, Fuzz B. Butt. He was a gift from Hubby on the first birthday I celebrated after we started dating. Fuzz is a bit of a pervert (he is a rabbit after all) and has been known to go out on the town when we travel and hook up with other bunnies. This, despite the fact that he has a wife named April Bunny whom we purchased several years ago. Of course, she’s a bit of a trollop but that’s a different story entirely.

We also have two cheetahs: Baby Eetah, and Jozi Eetah. They are both members of the subclass of “smart” or “money making” cheetahs that many of you may know nothing about. The “dumb” cheetahs are the ones who get caught in traps, run fast, are related to their brothers, and live off the land. Baby and Jozi, on the other hand, have “cute offs” to decide who is cuter, trade on the stock exchange, dabble in the securities market, and enjoy investing in currencies. They have yet to share any of their money with us because, they say, their hero Jim Cramer said they didn’t have to.

There are several other members of our stuffed animal menagerie but these are the key players. Someday when I get over the fact that I just shared the back stories that Hubby and I created for our animals, I will tell you about Farley the ferret, Michael Gordon the moose, April Bunny, Bob the Koala, and all the rest.

Don’t judge us too harshly. We know we’re odd and several miles from even slightly normal but at least Hubby and I found each other! We have no children because we can’t agree on the right way to raise our stuffed animals. Once they become fully functioning members of society, pay us rent, and remember to do their chores on a daily basis we’ll have real children. Until then, it’s the animals and us.