Wednesday, March 22, 2006

Command Me

This is now my 3rd attempt at writing a blog today. The first one was a really whingy explanation of why I still don’t have hot water after all these months. (Although it did include an amusing anecdote about tricking/gifting hubby with a one night stay at the Oberoi Hotel so that I could use the shower there.) The second was an angrier version of the first and included a laundry list of reasons as to why I hate my landlord and his condescending attitude toward women and me in particular.

Since this is now Blog 3.0 I have decided to try and put a happier spin on the fact that my apartment is falling down around me. (No hot water, the light in the kitchen doesn’t work, the lights in the stairwell have been dead for eons etc.) But I’m not sure on exactly how to do that.

Then somebody sent me these Commandments for Expat Living. I’m not sure what the source material is so I apologize for not giving credit where it may be due. In the mean time, I thought I’d share these new Commandments and my thoughts on why some of them are almost as silly as that “honor thy mother and father” nonsense the first time around. (Just kidding, Dad!)


1. Thou shalt not expect to find things as thou hast them at home for verily, thou hast left home to explore different things.

I realize that I left home and civilization behind me but Hubby promised that I’d have freaking hot water like you guys do in the real world!

2. Thou shalt not take anything too seriously, for a carefree mind is essential for a healthy body.

I’m not too sure about the carefree mind part but I’ll buy the not taking life too seriously part for a lakh.

3. Thou shalt not let other expats get upon thy nerves, for one or both of you art likely to be transferred soon anyway.

Why didn’t somebody tell me this one months and months ago? Is it my fault that not everybody is perfect like me? (No comments from the Peanut Gallery please. Just be nice Devoted Readers and agree with me for a change!)

4. Though shalt refrain from acting exceedingly high and mighty, for thou art the same person you were before you had maids and drivers.

I’m not entirely sure that I believe this one. Not having to argue with Hubby about whose turn it is or isn’t to do the dishes and who left all the “stuff” lying around the living has helped create a happier marriage with at least one less fight per week. That makes me a better person… Or something like that.

5. Thou shalt not buy everything you see; thou already hast a houseful of things stored in your home country.

I am so positive that Hubby paid them to put this one in here. One little painting (or two) does not a spending spree make.

6. Thou shalt not sit and mope and feel unwanted or unskilled; there art many people who would be grateful for your donations of time and energy.

I believe that we have already had the discussion about how I don’t do good deeds. Ok so I do give my time to charities and several organizations here in town – but I do it out of boredom and a desire to be needed. Of course that may have been the point of Commandment… On second thought, never mind this commentary after all.

7. Thou shalt not worry, for he that worrieth hath no pleasure and few things are ever fatal.

I worry therefore I am.

8. When in India, thou shalt be prepared to do somewhat as the Indians do.

Some things. Not all. Trust me, if you guys knew some of the local customs (ex. How to wipe after going to the washroom.) you’d follow my example and vote real world over India world.

9. Thou shalt not judge the people of a country by the one person who has given thee trouble.

Again, something I think Hubby asked them to put here. I get it. I learned my lesson. I agree. Are you happy now?!

10. Remember that thou art a guest in foreign lands, and he that treateth his host with respect shall be honored.

I have no problems on this one. I treateth my host with oodles of respect – when She treats me the same way. Grrrr No hot water. Grrrrrrr

Now go forth now, my children (aka Devoted Readers), and spread the Good Word. For God created the Exapt - and it was good.


Anonymous said...

Can't believe you went through the winter without hot water. :P :D

Anonymous said...

Nice descrption of local ass-wipe technique! ^_^ -_^

Anonymous said...

The key thing is that there be cold water when I arrive next month!!!!