Tuesday, March 14, 2006

My Deal with God

I agreed that I would try to be more like bran and post here regularly now that I’ve turned over a new curry leaf… or something like that. Tomorrow is a HOLIday (a joke I’ll fill you in on later) so I thought that I’d take you site seeing then. For today, I think I’ll stick with something you’re all a little more familiar with: a Typ0 has been drinking again story.

Every year around this time the Catholic Church likes to remind us that we’re enjoying life too much. As punishment for our happiness, we Catholics are asked to deprive ourselves for 5 weeks (aka 40 days and 40 nights) of that which makes us most joyful. They call this relaxing time of year, “Lent.” (Well, that might be the deprivation talking as opposed to actual theology but it’s pretty close to the jist of the thing.)

As Lent Eve (aka Mardi Gras) dawned, I was sick as a dog and on antibiotics, which meant in addition to taking a week to get well I was unable to drink alcohol for a week or so. That in mind, I reflected on things that I could give up for Lent that wouldn’t kill me… err… I mean that God would find a deserving and suitable sacrifice.

I thought about chocolate and realized that with at least 2 possible weeks of PMS during Lent even God would consider that going above and beyond. I next contemplated giving up making the bed, to which Hubby observed that I never do this anyways and it probably wouldn’t count. Darn loop holes! Hubby then piped up that my Coke (aCola) habit was keeping that company in business and could do with a short break. I thought about it and rejected this idea since I don’t think that anybody really wants to know what I’d be like without my morning caffeine jolt.

As I popped my 3rd Flagil of the day and thought about washing it down with a glass of Rum Punch it occurred to me: I would give up alcohol for Lent! After all for the first week of the holiday I couldn’t drink anyways or I’d end up in the hospital. This medical loophole seemed like a good forfeit for God.

I would now like to flash forward to that Friday… I still couldn’t drink and Hubby and I visited our new favorite Vodka bar with some friends. I had a Coke and everybody else had Vodka. (Except Hubby who had wine but he’s weird so we won’t go there.) After finishing up the evening sober we went home and planned our lovely, alcohol (for me) free weekend. How fun.

Let us now hurry onto the following Thursday. I started the morning at the Organization office working on the newsletter and sipping a can of Coke. After getting little to nothing done, I decided to go to lunch with my friend Letter at TGI Fridays in Basant Lok. While not a great restaurant it was near the Airtel office and I had a bill to pay.

Letter and I were seated and handed the cocktail menu. At this point all I could remember was that it was Thursday and I had been off my antibiotics for the requisite three days. This in mind, she and I each drank two Santa Fe Sunrises (aka frozen margaritas) with lunch. Some time in the middle of the first Sunrise I realized my oops and ordered my second. Double oops!

As Hubby and I got ready for dinner that night I confessed my alcoholic sin. Oddly, Hubby was ecstatic. He announced that my new Lenten promise would be to give up pop. Of course, I had already had a can Coke that day so that seemed rather like a cheat but one I was willing to take.

Well it took for about a day at any rate. That’s when the lack of bubbly happiness started to make me grumpy. So I made a compromise with Hubby and God: I would give up regular pop and only drink diet soda.

So God, here’s the thing, giving stuff up for five whole weeks is way, way too hard. You can’t actually expect anybody to succeed at this sick endeavor. It is now the 3rd (?) week of Lent and I’m on my 3rd Lenten promise. I promise to keep this one up for as long as possible if you promise to keep “Becker” off the airwaves here in India. Deal?

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